Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby

 Picture this…

The kids are finally down and my sweet man walks through the door.  It’s been a long day for him, but he’s finally home in his haven, so his guard drops, and he’s recharged…and there stands his woman.  Halle-lujah!

I, on the other hand, have been home in this ‘haven’ with the kids all day.  I smell like a science experiment, my hair resembles that of Joe Dirt’s on a bad day and is now only slightly longer than my leg hair, and my well-loved yoga pants could probably stand up on their own and will need to be beaten down with a stick to conform to the laundry drum.  Which reminds me, the laundry is still piled high on our bed.  And those dinner dishes are still taunting me.  Ugh.

I have, by this point in the motherhood adventure, come to understand that there is a massive chasm between feeling like a ‘mom’, and feeling like a ‘woman’.  I do not remotely resemble the latter.

He cares not.  He gives me one of ‘those’ smiles, followed by the ‘hey, sexy!’ embrace.

I adore his presence and while I love the attention, I’m very aware of my wall going up.  After all, the extent of intelligible conversation I’ve had today was about fishy crackers, poop, and the hibernation pattern of brown bears.  Needless to say, it was wildly exhilarating, and I’m mentally fried.  And by this point in the day, my physical affection tank is beyond maxed out.

I crave intimacy, really I do.  Somewhere deep down in there.  It just needs to be beckoned.  Wooed.  I long to be connected with emotionally first.  Power washed, maybe.

He can sense this distance developing and shuts down a little.  Seeing his spirit deflate, I try reconnecting emotionally and by the time the kettle has boiled, he’s fast asleep on the couch, and I’m left lamenting the distance between us.

No, it’s not romantic.  It’s pathetic, really.  But it’s not uncommon in many marriages today.

It is estimated that one in three married couples struggle with mismatched sexual desire.  One study even found that 20 percent of couples have sex fewer than 10 times a year.

This is tragicThis is not the red hot monogamy God intends for marriages.

SEX. It’s everywhere, except where it matters most.


UPDATE: I had no idea when I published this in the Fall of 2011 that it would become what it has.  Almost three years later, it’s my most read blog post, my most requested speaking topic…and a subject I just can’t get out of my head.

So, without further ado…I’m delighted to announce that, while the full ‘Rediscovering Red Hot Monogamy’ post is no longer living here…

my first book will be coming to Amazon and Kindle in the Spring!!

XES Book Ad



  1. […]   “Sexual baggage doesn’t unpack itself, it simply slips into the bed beside you and makes connecting with your spouse in spirit and truth, that much harder to do.”  Joy from Simply Bloom […]

  2. […] All quotes today, come from Joy at Simply Bloom and her Red Hot Monogamy blog post.  It’s a fantastic […]

  3. […] various sources including my brain, Joy from Simply Bloom and Fulfilling Your […]

  4. […] In case you did not know, a husband and wife can and do have disagreements about sex in marriage. Take a look at the post in it’s entirety at Simply Bloom Blog. […]

  5. […] I said book.  but “sshhh”…because I’m not really talking about it […]

  6. […] you struggling with a healthy image of sex in your own marriage?  Then read this blog about Re-discovering RED HOT Manogomy by Joy of Simply Bloom.  It’ll make your toes […]